Defibrillator

Someone save me
I just want to be able to breathe

The weight I have to drag with me, doesn’t get any lighter
but I’ve found some distractions to make me feel lighter
somehow escape the pain for a little but then it gets tighter 
knowing I’m in the dark but pretending that its brighter

Caught in this haze daze of a maze I’m amazed I’m not insane
but who really knows the sane from the insane;

they say insane is doing the same thing over
and over again but expecting different results;
and yeah the fog brings me higher after every hit
but drops me harder when the smoke settles.

Denial is something I was always a friend of
reputation always held my defense up
“be cool, be cool” don’t ever tense up
Flesh whispering in my ear not to mess up or fess up

low key this
and low key that
“down for anything”
makes me the coolest cat
or so I thought
but with all the pretending
with all the masks
I somehow misplaced
the things I want back

my identity
I’m foreign to myself; the one person i thought I knew
my dignity
the things about me that helped me make it through
my sanity
reminding me that I myself choose to do the things I do
my serenity
knowing Im at peace, with nothing but the truth

so I’ll exchange my hit for something that brings me higher
something that won’t let my feet touch ground something that isn’t a liar
cause false happiness is false hope and the fakeness is absurd.
I’ll hand you this blunt, and I’ll take the word
’cause I want something out of this world, past the skies, out of this galaxy
I’m reaching for the greatest so I can be who you want me to be

I want to be so high that people start to notice

flare in the dark that draws peoples focus

making people wonder how happiness is achieved

so I can tell them

“someone saved me,
and now I’m able to breathe”