Brawl.

“I don’t like playing games “

It’s something we all say

Yet we all choose a level

pick our weapons and a place

Cause “no nonsense”doesn’t really exist

And drama to us humans is a love, hate relationship

Boots strapped, armor on, and we keep a mean game face

But we still say that we don’t like “playing games”

while we build our walls higher and higher

Getting all the upgrades

‘Cause no one in this world really is safe

Cause morals and values

Have lost it’s value

And our words aren’t used for what needs to be said

used for low blows, smoke bombs, grenades instead.

And wrong is more expected than right

because the world just isn’t right.

Innocent until proven guilty,

more like guilty until proven innocent

’cause more often than not we choose the path not so magnificent

Never thinking about the “WE” ’cause we’re wired to only think about the “I”

Just think about it, no one ever teaches a baby to lie

Cause were all born with wrong intentions

reflections filled with deception

And the truth is easier to teach but harder to tell

Cause us humans know how to show the good and hide all the bad so well

“I don’t like playing games“

Ha … “I don’t like playing games”

But if you really think about it our species loves to compete

 from the clothes we wear to the amount of food we can eat

From the amount of likes we get

And amount of retweets

From the hair on our head

To the shoes on our feet

Let’s trace it back to Adam and Eve

When they ate the fruit from the tree

And why? Cause even back then we mixed up wants and needs

Wanting to get on God’s level instead of being content and happy

And don’t forget Cain and able who always fought

 Cain killed his own blood to be on top

Don’t hate the player hate the game

Isn’t that another thing they all say

We’re making our world turn in ways it doesn’t spin

And at the end of the day nobody really wins

Were at war with ourselves as well as with everyone else

While really… were all on the same team

Fighting the big boss, the man, the big brother called “Society”

Cause they’ve infiltrated the waves with their philosophies

telling us who and what we have to be

And what we want and what we need

 we’re all like animals coming to feed

From the radio, our phones, and our tv

From the famous ones, our friends, and our computer screen

Cause the hardest thing in life is for you to be you and me to be me

Being 1 in a million yet still having individuality

Helmet tightened, bullet proof vest

Cause only the strongest will out fight the rest

And going against the flow

Just expect hits and blows

Society has allied with the biggest of foes

So say it as much as you need,

“I don’t like playing games“

Say it however you please

“I don’t like playing games“

but guard your heart, buckle your knees

‘Cause the enemy is real

So lace up and grab your shield

’cause no matter who or what you’re fighting

life has become a battlefield.

GoodWill

I have a mind of hope you see

And it will either be the life or the death of me

Cause I like a challenge

But I have a huge fear for failure

I’m hurt by rejection

But the reward is worth the endure

And I can’t help that I find hope

In the most barren places

And in the most bitter people

With only the most mysterious  faces

My heart  is attracted to damaged goods

The misfits the depressed and the misunderstood

I want to help you find your place in this world

I was always a fixer upper kind of girl

from my car to my clothes I always like to try to create

low key artist, it’s one of my trades

My soul connects with pain

I want to know what makes you sane and insane

I want to know how the wheels turn in your brain

I want to know why certain decisions are made

And at the end of the day I just want us to grow

My dad always said it’s about the books you read and the people you know

And I’m not talking about romance or boy friends

That’s a whole other piece that really has no ends

I’m talking about those people that somehow stroll into my life,

the ones that God used fate to somehow make our paths align

I’m talking about the role models and people I look up to

I admire the struggle and imperfections that’s make you you.

I’m talking about the friends I’ve made and are still to be friended

Let me help you help me the cycle is endless

All I honestly want is something REAL

Our world is filled with so much fake

That we often forget how real feels

And trying to tell the difference is the challenge now a days

To personality, intentions, and even a pretty face

And my bruises warn me to play it safe

But my human nature takes different ways

Cause I have a soft spot for the ones that have been pushed away

Who cares if I get hurt? Forgive and forget; my middle name is Grace.

why? you may ask…. sometimes i don’t even have a clue

why I give people chances even when I know they won’t come thru

why I give people the opportunity to make me look dumb

Why I believe in the people that everyone else has given up on

But then I remember how it feels to be alone

 the waiting and hoping for someone to hit up my phone

the silence and shadows that always seemed to follow

cause reality isn’t always so easy to swallow

I found myself finding comfort in the dark corners of my mind

and this is when pain became a dear friend of mine

hid my anger, my sadness, my despair behind my smile

cause I knew I wasn’t worth anybody’s time

---

Or so i thought….

 He showed me otherwise.

He pulled at my hands told me to open my eyes

He said get up, and pushed me to try

I had forgotten how to walk but just like that we were running side by side

He showed me true beauty from the stars to the skies

reminded me that He died for MY life.

He picked me up and held me high

He said “Michi, you are loved and you are mine.”

purple.blue.green.black.

I wrote this piece as a request for a friend that was shedding light on Domestic Violence. Enjoy!

I lost myself with the layers and layers of bruises
All the justifications all the stories all of the excuses
Truth and lies started out as black and white but later somehow intertwined
And eventually truth no longer could be defined
And the only thing left of mine
Was the name that I signed
Cause i allowed him to take my soul
My right to life my sanity he left me barren and cold
Because his words spelled out that they loved me
But his actions always read out differently
And I held on to those words
Instead of reading the actions
What I thought was real gold was actually plaster
the human brain is a beautiful disaster
Cause my moral compass knew it was wrong
But my twisted logic somehow made it right
And It happened over and over for so long
That in my mind wrong became right and dark became light
But the reality was that wrong was worst and dark was darker
But I wanted to believe that the pain would make us stronger

Cause God made us females with hearts and brains
That always seem to find a way
To find the good in anything
Like when he said mean things
I thought “oh he’s just tired from work”
And when his hands hit heavy
I thought “he must be stressed or hurt”
While I thought you hitting me was giving you salvation
I Failed to think about myself and the reality of the situation

Lost and confused
And already use to what I knew
Didn’t even have a clue
That I was a victim…..of abuse

And words hit just as hard as fists
A two edged sword hid behind your lips
You broke me down into useless bits I am rubble I am dust
I give up that’s it.
….
And that’s where I let him go…
Silence was new to me
And I couldn’t help but feel lonely
God I give you control
I was but dust on the ground so insignificant so meaningless
Crazy thing is that’s exactly how god made us
From nothing to something from dust to life
My god revived me carried me from the dark to the light
Gave me definition
And mended my soul
Carried my load and he made me whole
I was so scared to be all alone
But it wasn’t a man I was missing it was gods grace that restored my soul
Reminded me that he admired my beauty
That I am special and that he loved me so dearly
And his love engulfed me and is like no other,
Ever flowing never ending it lasts forever
He didn’t just give me a second chance
He have me a third fourth fifth picked me up and held my hands
I had to relearn how to crawl how to walk so I could run to him
In oceans deep and light so dim
No matter the cost I will run to him.

So God thankyou…. You rescued me from the deep seas thankyou
You breathed life into me broke my chains set me free thankyou
Forced me to believe in something I cannot see thankyou for
Paving my way, god let your will be
Thankyou.

Expectations

I never expected to be

like all the other fish in the sea

Young dumb naive

To the point where I couldn’t see

The liars from the truth tellers

The bad guys from the good fellas

And I swore I was different

I swore I was one of a kind

And I swore you were different

And I made  myself believe that it was Gods time

For me to fall in love with that one handsome guy

I erased Gods rules and lived by my mine

Cause the fairy tales kept me up at night

Changed my priorities and made wrong things right

But only in my mind

Because wrong will always be wrong

but how can it be wrong if it felt so right ?

And that’s just a saying that let me sleep easy at night

Justifying actions that I were ashamed were mine

I never expected to be the one that was fake

Losing my self more and more with every step I would take

Stopped thinking for myself and let others do that for me

Pretending I had 20/20 vision when I really couldn’t see

Didn’t know what I thought I wanted so well

Wait did that make sense?

Welcome to the mind of a madame moiselle.

Thinking you know what you want when you actually want something else

God made us different. Different brains different cells

But I stopped believing what I believed in and that mest up my inner being

And now I’m gasping and thrashing God save me I’m sinking

In a haze I hear faint voices the smoke and the clinking

Loud music late nights I can’t stop the thinking

I gotta get back to the surface

Back to The sun

God please show me my purpose

Cause I’m drifting with none

I never expected to be

like all the other fish in the sea

Young dumb  and naive

I let the world define me

Thinking I was better than the rest

when in reality I was basic at best

I can’t undo any action

But God says I’m forgiven

I’m done I give up

ready to give in

Double knotting my shoes God I’m ready to start living.

Peaceful Frustration

Off my feet, come sweep me.

Spoil me, make me feel like a lady

But beware my hard exterior and tight security

Let me explore your core and my “no” might become a “maybe”

I’m not one to trust

My scars are to blame for that

And I’m so easy to fool

The fairy tales are to blame for that

Your mind is my playground,

Your thoughts are my puzzle pieces.

Swing, swing don’t let me down;

Grooves find their places until you’re completed

silent admiration, intricate complexion

I’ll admire your beauty for but a few seconds.

Then you’ll scramble in fear

I’ll scramble in fear

Cause our scars remind us that comfort never stays here

And people never stay near

And happy endings, well they only happen on the TV screen

But we both know that, that will never be you, and that will never be me.

Cause you’re not a prince and I’m not a princess

And stories like that aren’t meant for people like us

But I still hope and dream and even pray

That the scars will be silenced and I can send security away

But in the mean while I’ll just keep my hopes high.

In the mean while I’ll lay back and keep my eyes to the sky.

‘Cause to be honest it’s relaxing remembering the beauty of peace

Us humans love chaos so much we forget the simple things

So I’ll count stars and surf waves,

Stitch my wounds time to start the mending

And maybe if I stop looking I’ll just fall into a fairy tale ending.

Fear The Beard

Fear; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Its crazy that what gets to us is what we let get
The seen and unseen the stories we don’t forget
The things we’ve done and the things that we have yet

Fear; even with definition it’s hard to understand this
but this is how I think of it, the boogieman still exists…
But he’s relocated from underneath my bed
to the crevices of the Golgi inside of my head
planting seeds of doubt, seeds of despair,
seeds of worry, seeds that wear and tear
on the strings of my heart they play me like a puppet,
not reaching not risking I’m scared straight I’m stagnant

It follows every move I make it surrounds me
crawling into my thinking space like a venom slowly but fastly
and the bigger I let it get the less control I have and
Peter Parker and Spiderman even needed a hand

 Darkness; pitch black, silence, bring out the ghosts
From the past the present, future, and the unknown

I am my own monster
I invented the fear
that I now must conquer

It’s all in my mind, fear is a paradox
I am trapped in a cage that has the door unlocked
All I need to do is stand up and get out
God please protect me right now
’cause my mind is my poison and you’re the antidote
Give me peace calm emotions I cant do it alone

 The disciples trembled mid storm for their life
Esther was threatened by the man on the kings right
Daniel was so scared his knees were knocking side to side
David was challenged by someone 4x his height

But…..

David took 3 rocks and slayed goliath
Daniel threw a slumber party with the lions
Peter walked on water in a raging storm eyes held high
Esther saved a whole nation of people by risking her life
And lets not forget the fear conquered by your son Jesus Christ

Fear; an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear; an emotion that evidence shows can be taken away and erased by the Almighty God, give them to him and he’ll take care of it.

Love

What God offers is so non-traditional
the love he gives us is so unconditional
and it catches us off guard
cause we’re used to fighting and war
and even those that claim they “love” each other Break up and Divorce.
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me no more
What is love they ask?
what is love I ask?
and loud and clear He answers back…

“I am the the beginning and the end the perfect sacrifice; God-sent.
I am the first and the last, the Alpha and Omega,
I am the one and only savior.

I knew you before you were even in your mom’s womb,
I counted every single hair on your head before they even grew
I made you YOU before you even knew.

I remembered your birthday before it even existed,
I AM the one who breathed you into existence.

So come to Me all you that are weary
Come to Me all the liars and the cheats
the prostitutes and the meek

Come to Me all the ones who messed up, ‘fessed up, even ‘yall that dress to impress I don’t care the color of your skin or the scale of your sin
or the depth of the rut that you’re stuck in

Come to Me those that never felt good enough,
those that society got a hold of and deemed you not cool enough
not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not tall enough, not fat enough

Come to Me all the killers and the stealers the feared ones and the weird ones Come to Me, come to Me, come to Me,
I say from above because…

I AM LOVE. “

Enigma.

How do I display him thru my life
When he is incomprehensible?
How do I wrap my head around
Something so unexplainable

How do I show something that you cannot see?
His Love  more vast than any ocean and deeper than any sea
All the stars in the night sky doesn’t even begin to measure his majesty
And every sunset is but the beginning of his beauty
His presence more gigantic and much greater than our galaxy
How can I, how can I, how can I, show you  that with one word he brings me to my knees
How with  two hands
He Made the blind to see
and with three nails he broke our chains and set us all free
How can I, how can I, how can I,
Show you all the lives he changed
All the dead ends that were exchanged
For lives that are rearranged
And All the souls that were saved
How can I, how can I, how can I,
Explain to you and make you understand
That we are but only man.
And we are all slowly sinking in quick sand
Running out of time, running out of breath, running out of life,
and we just need to reach for his outstretched hand
Do you not really understand
That this royal noble God, became a mere man
Left the clouds in heaven to walk on land

No I don’t really think you get
that he saved A queen from death
Gave A dead man his breath
told Peter have faith and don’t fret

Not only did he walk on water
the father less call him father
and even if I’m no where near perfect he took me in as his very own daughter

The only man that ever lived up to the hype
My god my father destroyed the stereotype
a fisherman without a net
He made HIS story history so that we would not forget
that no matter how many times I fault fail and flee
He still loves me
No matter the distance I’ve drifted out at sea
He still loves me
No matter how messed up cracked and damaged I might be
He still loves me

So I give up on trying to paint you a picture
Of everything that goes on in here and here
I’m done with trying to make you
Believe in something that you can not see
Go ahead believe modern day society
But when you’re alone, thinking and feeling kinda empty
Just remember
That he doesn’t just love me
And he’s waiting arms open, rain or shine, 24/7, for you
To be part of the fams so he can love on you too.